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Thursday, June 20, 2013

The most unrealistic book about parenting on the block!

Alright, so I have been reading Dr Karp's Happiest toddler on the block I simply don't like it! the book is just a bunch of repetitions and unrealistic techniques and ideas, I tried most tricks with Loui with no help, he even gets madder when I try todlerese, not to mention that I actually disagree with a lot of things, overall it's a poorly written book that explains how to practice unrealistic approaches to begin with. And Here's is my sarcastic version of the famous #1 bestseller;

Chapter 1
Hello dear slow-learning reader, in my book you will find WONDERS, you learn how to magically make your toddler happy and calm, your little caveman will be tamed, and you will love your life, in the first few chapter you'll fall in love with me, and go tell everyone how this book changed your life, in the last chapters you'll learn how to fix every problem any child can and will ever face within 2 minutes, sounds CRAZY I know, but just continue reading and you'll see that I am an amazingly right man, yes you read right, this book is written by a MAN, don't worry, it will work, don't doubt me, I'm a man and I know what I'm talking about.. here we go, ready?

Chapter 2
Hello again frustrated caveman breeder, as I mentioned in the last chapter, by the time you finish this book you'll have a better life, and a much better relationship with your caveman toddler, first, let's learn how to handle any issue at all ever, when your toddler is upset and screaming that he does not want want to shower, do this, SSR and speak his language Whine-ese, here's how, first repeat what he says, whatever he says, repeat it like a parrot, to show u hear him, then speak in little short words like he does, then it is over, magic..

Laura was at the park with her daughter Emma, Emma wanted to take a toy by force from another child, Emma snatched the toy and ran, Laura was embarrassed but said to Emma while stomping her feet like her "no, no, nooooooo Emma wants toy, Emma wants toy now,nooo, but Emma, we no take toys from other cavemen, give, give, GIVE back, now now now" so Emma gave the toy back to the other kid and she NEVER EVER bothered Laura again

Chapter 3
Hello sleep-deprived sorry-looking parent of a caveman, as now you have become an ambassador in the land of cavemen, and you totally mastered their language, let's move on to how you reward the good behavior, first I will tell you that you are already doing an amazing job, then tell you that you are simply doing everything wrong, then correct it all with my magic words, and then you feel good about the $15 you spent on this book, and go get your kid out of the room he has been locked in for 2 hours so that you can read my long-repetitive-long book.
Alright, so your kid actually said "please" once today, let's celebrate, here's what you do, go talk to his dolls about it "Teddy bear I'm SOOOO HAPPY Jack said please to me today, I was so happy I cried for an hour, I'm so happy teddy, so happy that I don't realize I'm talking to a teddy bear, he said "please", Jack said "please", now I know he smacked me after he said it, and he said b***c please, not just "please" but it's okay, he said it" also another way of celebrating, call your friends and brag about him and what he did "Sara, you won't believe it, Jack said please, I was so happy, he is an amzing little boy" now after a few month your friends may stop taking your calls as you call them 24 times a-day to tell them about your caveman saying ok, and thank you, but it's worth it.

Mike and his son Riley were at the beach, Riley let Mike put his sun screen on, so Mike grabbed a mic and started singing and dancing loudly saying "Riley let me put his sunscreen on, I love Riley, Riley made daddy happy, no more crying, no more whining" and Mike did this for an hour while Riley was begging him to stop embarrassing him and just go home, Riley and Mike lived happily ever after.

Chapter 4
Ok, now you are a wonderful parent, not really, I'm just kidding, we haven't even started on the toughest thing yet, TANTRUMS, ok, let's get to it, in the next 2 chapters you'll learn how to be the best parent ever, you'll never have issues again, these 2 chapters will be the most important thing you ever read, please read them over and over, your life will change forever, life as you know it, BAM, gone, new life, better life, trust me, I'm a man writing a book and I know..ready? here we go...

Chapter 5
When your kid misbehave, put him on time out

Chapter 6
When he comes out of time out, don't talk about the time out

The end.

SAMI WALKS!

Just quickly wanted to document that Sami walked today from the kitchen counter about 15 steps to the living room all by himself, he was following me as I had crackers in my hand for him, he is 10 months and 2 weeks, Bubu walked at 1 years and 5 months, these 2 boys can not be any more different from each other :-)









Yes, he also puts EVERYTHING in his mouth and tries to climb things :-)

Thursday, June 13, 2013

10 Months/28 Months
















Alright, so I have come to the conclusion that I am and will not be able to post here as much as I would like, but I won't feel bad about it. The boys are great, Sami is 10 months and 2 weeks now, he is almost walking, he lets go and takes a step or two here and there, he can stand without support for 5 seconds or so. He has 4 teeth, 5th coming out, he wears size 12 clothing (a bit big still) and eats everything. Loui is 28 months, wear 2T clothes and 3T PJ's, he talks quite a bit, said things like "no more shower" and "sami no cereal", I would say maybe 40% of his vocabulary is Arabic, I think English is a bit easier, he understands both perfectly but chooses the easier word of both languages to use. He loves to wrestle and play with Simsim, and we are trying to enjoy this spring as much as we can, Jamel has been working a lot but we make the best of our days off.

My parents are coming next month so they'll be here for Simsim's first BD :) very exciting. I am trying to plan a fun vacation for them, this will be my dad's second time here and my mom's 4th, but neither of them got to do much before, as I was pregnant in all the previous times and we lived quite far from NYC then, not we are only an hour away and it's right in the middle of summer so I hope they enjoy themselves :)

I will update whenever I can.